Brace yourself, this may come as a shocker: When I was a little girl I was quite shy. My mom made valiant efforts to help me overcome my shyness (I think I hid from people I knew as often as I hid from strangers). One of the things my mom did (or didn't do) was ask for ketchup if we happened to go to McDonald's or Burger King (…not that that was often, mind you). I liked ketchup with my fries. So, if I wanted ketchup I had to ask for it myself. Sometimes I had ketchup, sometimes I went without, and sometimes my mom caved and asked for me. ;)
You may be asking yourself… what does this have to do with anything? In the almost 8 years since graduating from h.s. I have learned that I have a bit of a natural tendency for shyness when I'm out of my "comfort zone" and it often takes me a little while to establish a new "comfort zone" when I'm in a new place. There are a few places where I generally always feel comfortable, like church (and more specifically Relief Society) and my home.
One of the nice things about moving to a new place when you are married is that you have a nearly constant companion (your spouse) who you really should be with often… For me, the natural dynamic of that relationship helps me to not feel like a tag-along or a burden. It is the perfect, completely acceptable, security blanket! =)
However, as Sister Marjorie Hinckley once said, "Women need women." And, in case you had any doubts, I am a woman. =D The last few years I have always had a good group of girlfriends, and moving away from them has been a little difficult—which is why I'm really grateful for the times in the past few months when we've been invited to someone's house or I've been able to attend R.S. activities or other girl-gatherings. Although some of the "girl" activities have occurred when Chris has been working a lot and we would finally have a night together, my ever-supportive husband has encouraged me to go because he knows how much "I need my girls"—as he puts it.
As we prepare for the likelihood of moving at least once, if not twice, in the next six months I am trying to think of what I can do to make "asking for ketchup" (if you will) a little easier.
So, what can I/we do to be more social? I do have a few ideas myself, but I'd love to hear any suggestions from our much loved peanut gallery. ;)
I think a mother support group once your little one is born is vital. You HAVE to get out of the house. See if you can get other ladies in the ward to get together at least once a week and just talk. Or even finding some neighbors. I think a lot of times it comes down to the fact that you have have to be willing to be the one to pull this together. If it's something you want and need, you have to be willing to do the work for it. Very rarely do things like that just fall into your lap!!! I'm sure you'll do wonderful though!
ReplyDeleteBabies are another awesome "security blanket"! They add an 'easy in' to conversations with other women who also have a little one with them. And the awesome thing about THAT is that the child doesn't have to belong to them for them to be easy in talking with you about him/her and yours! So, I would suggest going to LLL meetings, even though you might not need them. Take Chris to work if you have to so that you have the car for the once monthly meeting. And get some other mama's numbers/email addies while you're there. This also works in nursing rooms elsewhere, but can be a little bit more intimidating... I like it to a guy randomly seeing you and thinking you seem REALLY cool and trying to get your number because the whole trying-to-make-new-girlFRIENDS is a LOT like dating!!! Believe it or not! :)
ReplyDeleteAs far as "we" I would suggest couple dates at home. Dinner (BBQs are really great for sort of natural segregation which enables you to get to know the other chica better more easily), game night, or double fam FHEs are a few suggestions! I think it's a LOT easier when you have one baby to do these things... it's a lot easier to have things in common, for some reason.
I found making friends in my new ward all the way out here in Texas started with a simple method. I would go to Relief Society, spot an empty seat next to a sister, sit down and simply introduce myself. If I was feeling a little shy asking if the seat was taken would usually lead to them introducing themselves. I would pick a different sister every week and now I have a group of my favorites. I love them all of course, but you know how you have more in common with some sisters than others.
ReplyDeleteAnd the obvious, visiting teaching has helped a ton! I have the best companion and I've gotten to know the sisters we teach really well.
Though my best girl friend out here Dorie, I actually met because we have a big ward so we all squish together on the pews. Joshua and I were running late and he found a spot. Her little guy Jonah kept coming over to play and I thought he was the cutest little guy I've ever seen. So after Sacrament Meeting, she thanked me for playing with her son and I told her just how cute her kids are and soon enough we now go on park dates with her 2 sons and some other fun things!
Anyway, just thought since I've recently done the whole "moving away from EVERYONE" thing, while it wasn't easy those tips are what worked for me. Now that it's been 6 months I'm fitting in and loving Kingwood Texas.
That is something I have ALWAYS had trouble with, especailly since we've been in 6 wards since we got married. I still struggle with it, but Spencer being the social butterfly he is really pushes me to talk to people. I am NEVER comfortable, at first anyways, but I force myself to introduce myself and talk to others. Ive also found if you can find one person to be friends with, finding others becomes a whole lot easier for some reason!! You are great Evelyn and everyone deserves to know you!!
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